RADHIKA JINDAL

How Parents Can Encourage Their Kids to Speak Up

From the moment kids start speaking, we also teach them how to be quiet. Kids are told to use quiet voices just about everywhere they go (stores, classes, and waiting rooms, to name a few). When children also learn how to express themselves with confidence and assert their needs and ideas, they experience increased self-esteem, positive peer relationships, and better school performance. The ability to speak up helps kids manage their emotions, and conflicts in a healthy way.

Why is it important for your child to speak?

You are out for a walk in a park. Your neighbor comes and asks the child, “Why did you miss the school today?  The child is a little hesitant to answer. Seeing this, without wasting a moment, you answer for him. Have you ever thought about what damage this cost? Whenever you speak up for him you make him meek and dependent.

Now I have a question for such parents – Why don’t you allow your child to speak for himself?

Q. Do you think you are doing any good for your child?

Q. Do you know by not allowing the child to use his voice you are hurting his self-esteem?

If you don’t step in, you give your child a chance to think about what to say and how to say it. If you answer for your child that is disrespecting your child and he will feel you don’t believe in him. A child has a right to express his thoughts and opinions. He is capable enough to answer such questions.

We all know today’s child is tomorrow’s leader. If you really want him to contribute to society when he grows up, allow him to learn how to properly communicate with other people.

Suppose someone asks him his name and the child doesn’t respond, a wise parent would say, “Come on dear, he is asking you a question. Please do reply.” A wise parent will never reply to the child because he understands that as parents it is our job to teach our children how to engage with others. By not giving them a chance to speak you are limiting your child’s mental growth and lowering his self-confidence.

Let your child answer and decide simple things for himself, like:

• ·      Ordering food for himself at a restaurant
• ·      In a hotel he wants to go to the washroom, let him ask the waiter and find one for himself
• ·      He was not able to do the homework yesterday for some reason. He should have the courage to go and tell the teacher
• ·      Saying “No” for certain things

You are not supposed to speak for your child all the time. Sometimes he might be too shy or nervous or if you want to protect your child, you may have to reply for your child. Fine but don’t allow this to happen frequently. Let them speak up. By communicating with others, they will be prepared for the times when you won’t be by their side.

Take out time each day to have thoughtful conversations with your child. It can be at the dinner table or when you are doing something in the kitchen – ask him his opinion. Show some curiosity about his thoughts and opinions, and encourage him by saying – “Really amazing or very interesting.” Or “I am highly impressed. Tell me something more about it.”

Always keep in mind that as a parent your job is to prepare your child to live without you in the future. Show your faith in his abilities and encourage him to come out of his comfort zone. Let him build his independence and be capable of living up to his full potential.

Let’s not shush them, let’s teach them to use their voice effectively.

Points to remember:

• §  Understand the reason behind the shyness of your child
• §  Developing the ability to speak up takes time and practice
• §  Encourage the child to speak
• §  Teach them the benefits of self-advocacy
• §  Encourage your child to add to a conversation
• §  Give them the right words and confidence to speak