How to Embrace Your Emotions to Save Marriage ~ RADHIKA JINDAL

Friday, September 4, 2020

How to Embrace Your Emotions to Save Marriage

By Radhika Jindal September 04, 2020 // 42 comments

A human being is full of emotions from the day they are born. They have emotions like happiness, anger, sadness, fear, guilt, shyness, and so on. Human emotions are versatile and unpredictable, and they change every moment depending on how each person handles their emotions when they’re looking to gear up with themselves.
Let us think about a situation, where a person is happy about getting news of a job promotion but at the same point, when he gets to know about his close relative’s demise, he becomes sad. We start memorizing the best time spent with that person.

Everyone has their own set of emotions and a different style of expressing them. Many express their emotions by speaking, whereas a few express them by being silent, and some by way of massive reactions. Even animals have their own set of emotions, although they have their own way of communicating them. Emotions play a crucial role in one’s life.

Our emotions assist us in many things, such as conveying our message or meaning, providing us with clarity, calming us during difficult times, and making life decisions. Our subconscious mind behaves the same way we would like it to be treated. Therefore, if we give it positive thoughts, it’ll have a positive impact on our health and future thoughts.

To apply this idea, let’s look at the example of a slim girl named Amira. During her college days, she was quite an introvert: she never expressed her feelings, but instead kept them to herself for fear of hurting anyone. How does she feel? What if she’s looking for someone to talk to? She did not think it would be a good idea to express her feelings. She felt that either people would blame her or that she would end up hurting them. She was not confident about what to express, how much she should express, and to whom it should be shared.

Being a shy girl, Amira never made friends with those whom her shared emotions would be safe. She never spent enough time with her family for them to know her likes and dislikes; she never made herself understood. Instead, she kept herself busy in activities like reading books, painting, journaling, and meditation, etc..

Because she always tried to hide her emotions, this caused anger to build up inside her. She used to become furious at the smallest things, like when her parents asked her plan for her marriage. Despite usually being very polite to her parents, she rudely walked away.

One day, she was sitting on the balcony with her parents drinking a cup of coffee. Her parents brought up the discussion of her marriage plans and, surprisingly, this time she was already prepared for it. Yes! After a long discussion with her parents, she made up her mind. But her anger kept bothering her. “How could she manage her marriage if she couldn’t express her feelings?”

Amira thought that maybe discussing things with her partner would help her to get herself out of a place of anger. Perhaps she might find comfort in expressing her feelings. But things were the same even after marriage. Being a new daughter-in-law, her responsibilities increased: her in-laws had expectations for her, and she wasn’t able to manage her anger with her husband; she would get furious every time. She asked herself, why was she unable to share her feelings? What made her so self-conscious? Why did she feel so blank?

One day, sitting quietly in her room, she wrote down all the questions she had in a diary. What should she do to make it right? She cried for it weighed down her heart. Crying is always the best release for emotion when one’s heart tank is full. When we cry, we make space for new, positive feelings.

Luckily, Amira found a calm and supporting life-partner with whom she was able to express her feelings. He made her feel calm and comfortable. She discussed everything about her anger with her husband. An intelligent man, he asked her to find a state of calm first and then speak out to express whatever was running in her thoughts. He helped her to solve her queries.

In doing so, Amira’s husband gave her a few suggestions:

Write down all running thoughts
Don’t take everything personally
Learn to adjust and build up interpersonal skills
Do something productive
Start expressing yourself

Amira followed all five pieces of this advice for a continuous 21 days, and guess what? She found herself transformed. Everything takes time to adapt, some more than others. For instance, internalized emotions like anger can take a while, whereas a few emotional releases like crying come naturally.

Amira’s anger hadn't gone away, but she had learned how to manage it well. This helped her to improve her relationship with her in-laws, her parents, her friends, her husband, and, most importantly, with herself. She started loving herself more.

In the years that followed, she learned other ways to manage her anger:

She started focusing on what made her happy
She started respecting everyone’s point of view
She started being grateful
She started enjoying her life
Most importantly, she accepted herself

Now, Amira is a more mature and determined person, who takes life’s worries as challenges that she can face gracefully. She thanks God for blessing her with great in-laws, a husband, and both the parents who stood up for her every time. She was no longer overwhelmed by negative emotions; most especially, she had overcome her anger. She was able to manage it now because she wanted to. Like Amira, we can also take control of our emotions.

Emotions have a powerful impact on our minds, health, and system. So, allow your mind and heart to decide which emotions of yours you want to pamper, and which ones to put in the garbage. Let us strengthen ourselves. Most especially, we want to control our emotions in the right manner and not allow anyone to control us.

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